SXSW 2020 - An Elephant in the Room

SXSW

An Elephant in the Room is the SXSW 2020 winner for best documentary and follows the children of four New Jersey families over the course of a year while they attend Good Grief, a counselling centre for children and teens dealing with recent familial deaths.  Peter (age 6), whose father and mother both pass in unrelated accidents, attempts to memorialize them in a variety of ceremonies that never quite work out how he’d hope. Kimmy & Nicky (age 8), twins who lost their father, are having drastically different reactions to his passing, with Nicky seeming to have more trouble healing. Nora (age 10) & Nolan (age 8) are rambunctious kids whose hectic household rarely allows for moments to grieve. Then there’s Mikayla (age 5), a religious girl who is struggling to understand the concept of death as a whole. 

At the risk of judging children in mourning, there are storylines that work better than others and there’s a mild feeling of sameness throughout the film, as none of the participants really have a chance to heal or grow. This is almost definitely due to even a year being too brief a period to see the ramifications of this life-altering situation, so a little leeway has to be given to such a vast topic. Yet a few of the subjects seem a little non-plussed by the whole tragedy, which often works to show a child’s inability to comprehend the finality of the loss but can sometimes feel like the kids are being coerced into reliving the horrific event purely for the benefit of the viewing audience. This is most notable during the memorial events that feel less like a family dealing with grief and more like director Katrine Philp needing additional footage. 

The film works best when it moves away from the interviews and its seemingly staged sequences, as Philp utilizes a long take of one child processing his emotions in silence or the Good Grief counsellors doing their best to reach some of the more troubled kids. In these moments, the heaviness is fully grasped and can easily lead even the most stone-faced audience member to tears. Likewise, the use of dark humour through the children’s blunt phrasings gives unexpected yet greatly needed levity throughout. On the surface, these Kids Say The Darndest Things segues would seem to clash with the sombre tone, but grief is often messy and unfocused so it makes perfect sense that a documentary conveying that process would be as erratic.

An Elephant in the Room deftly walks the fine line between a sympathetic portrayal of healing and something more exploitative, though a few stylistic choices push the film into maudlin territory. The worst offender by far is the score, which is so overbearing and sentimental that it takes away from the most effective moments. These are minor grievances, though, for a very unique and intimate portrayal of the healing process. It is not a perfect film but for those interested in the topic, it is deeply rewarding.