How Sound of Metal Helped Me Cope With Hearing Loss
AmazonI, like everyone else in the world, am happy that the horrendous year of 2020 is over. It’s been rough for everyone, especially for the world of film. It was a year full of empty theatres, delayed movies, and permanently closed cinemas. COVID-19 hit the film industry hard, though I find a lot of the negative news has outshined the magnificent movies that did manage to get released. Thanks to the abundance of streaming platforms, and some limited in-person screenings, 2020 releases felt like a huge step forward for representation, something I like to look for when I watch movies.
When our features editor Jakub asked us to write about our favourite film of 2020, I wasn’t sure what to pick. I thought about choosing Sujata Day’s Definition Please or Steve McQueen’s Small Axe anthology, pieces of cinema where I got to see people who looked like me and people who sounded like my family. Those works of art were amazing, they meant a lot to me and I knew they would, but it was actually Darius Marder’s debut feature Sound of Metal, that surprisingly struck me the most – because I saw a new side of me.
I’m one of those people who likes to go into a movie without knowing very much about the plot, I like to be surprised. All I knew about Sound of Metal was that Riz Ahmed was in it and he looked hot with his bleached blond hair. It premiered at 2019’s Toronto International Film Festival but didn’t get released until December 2020 on Amazon Prime, so I think it still counts as a 2020 release. In November, Ontario had relaxed COVID-19 restrictions and I managed to waltz on down to the Bytowne Cinema and catch a theatrical screening of Sound of Metal and, trust me, that’s the way to go with this movie.
Sound of Metal follows Ruben, played by Riz Ahmed, a drummer who along with his singer-girlfriend form a metal band called Blackgammon. Ruben’s world is turned upside down when he suddenly experiences hearing loss and he has to learn to live as a deaf person. A lot of things about Sound of Metal struck me. I loved that there were subtitles in a theatre for the entirety of an English-language movie. I loved how the sound design made people hear exactly what Ruben’s ears were hearing. And I loved how much I was able to relate to Ruben because this year I also struggled with hearing loss.
Right now, I’m 23 and while I still have decent hearing, I have noticed that my hearing has gotten progressively worse. It’s embarrassing to think about the number of times I have had to ask people to repeat the same thing over and over again. If my boyfriend and I are listening to a podcast during our drive and he starts talking to me, I have to pause what we’re listening to in order to hear him properly. Don’t even think about calling my name through a closed door, I probably won’t hear you. My sister has gotten frustrated with me too many times because I keep having to tell her, “Speak up I literally can’t hear you.” Ruben’s reason for hearing loss is pretty obvious, since he’s performing at metal shows night after night, but it was how sudden it came on for him that scared me when Sound of Metal first started, because I’m scared it’s going to happen to me one day.
Before Sound of Metal, I had been afraid to seek medical help to figure out what’s going on with my ears; I think because I’m afraid of losing my hearing completely. Last June at a family gathering, I mentioned that I was struggling to hear during a conversation. One of my uncles did a rudimentary hearing test on me and thought I might have a problem with my right ear. Man, did that send me into panic mode, especially when my family doctor (at an appointment my mom booked for me) confirmed it at the end of the summer. My doctor wasn’t able to figure out why, just that my right ear has scar tissue. I don’t live with my parents anymore, and even though I promised my mom I’d go to an audiologist once I was back in my city, I didn’t, because I still wanted to deny it. I’ve been afraid of finding out what has been causing my hearing loss because I don’t want to be told that it’s going to get worse. I didn’t want to learn sign language, I didn’t want to wear hearing aids. I was mad at myself and my ears because I felt like this is something that should be happening to me when I’m in my eighties, not when I’m 23. I didn’t meet a deaf person until I was 17 at my first job, and still, I barely knew what her life was like. It’s difficult to pass written notes back and forth getting to know someone during a dinner rush at McDonald’s. My hearing loss scared me because I didn’t know what life would be like if and when it gets worse.
As we are given the privilege of watching Ruben learn how to be deaf and navigate his new condition throughout Sound of Metal, it made me feel like I’m going to be okay too. Everyone around Ruben is so kind and patient as they help him adapt to his new life. They help him learn American Sign Language, Ruben spends a lot of time connecting with deaf children. Ruben still chooses to get cochlear implants, and though he takes them out at the very end of the film, Darius Marder shows the different ways people deal with hearing loss.
Sound of Metal made me feel less scared and alone with my hearing loss. It made me feel like I’m going to be fine because now I know how deaf people navigate their lives. Since watching Sound of Metal, I’ve done a lot more research, and have started learning some ASL. I’m also waiting on a referral to an audiologist to figure out the cause of my hearing. I didn’t want to learn how to be deaf because I was afraid of the unknown. This is why representation in film is so important, because now I know I’m not alone.